drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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