i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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