everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
