You can't special order awesome
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
