the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
