we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
