he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
