It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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