Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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