Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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