The maid of honor just puked.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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