Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
