What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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