If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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