It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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