omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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