He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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