She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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