I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
