Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
