Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
