google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
