It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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