You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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