How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
