remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
