My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
