That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
