god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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