I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
