we're chasing vodka with high fives
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
