Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
