just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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