Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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