Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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