Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
