Pappa wants mamma naked
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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