Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
do nipples grow back?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
