we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
