last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
