yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
