But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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