it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
