Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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