At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
