Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
