You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
