my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
