My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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