He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
