Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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