it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
