Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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