I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
